Magic Number

Something you should always do before taking a job is do your research.

Which I did, of course. I'm not an idiot, and some random guy I only talked to a few times offering me a very vaguely worded job offer is not something that I'm going to jump on wholeheartedly. Actually, the first time I was sent an email I thought it was a phish. Up there with nigerian princesses and get rich schemes. I was still thinking that when I responded. With the information of a neighbor I don't like very much of course.

What can I say, I'm a troll.

But I still did my research, just in case the job really was legit. Found out about the slender man and proxies and a whole bureaucracy that has a serious hardon for gothic literature. So I was prepared for what this job was. What I'm supposed to do. And as far as the morally sketchy nature of the whole thing, I don't really care.

And for all the morons out there who can't keep up, I write obituaries. For people slain by monsters. Interesting gig, no?

Which is why I'm here. I am not going to be like the first Messenger and write accounts of my life that would make a twelfth grade wristcutter proud. I don't see any point of telling you anything about me at all. But I'll give you the information you need.

Because really, information is all that really matters don't you think?